So, firstly, this isnt about how during lockdown mental health is important blah blah blah.

This REALLY isnt about covid…. although Jesus Christ… is anyone else so fucken over it? I dont even watch the new or announcements anymore. And unless it has a punchline at the end of it, I dont want to know. I am not over the virus and it spreading, just over the media, social media and assholes who never stop talking about it. The only time I indulge is when I am talking to my close friends over seas (one of my favourite people in the world is in Canada, sister in Australia etc) and my wife.

Ok no more about that.

This is also not a "feel sorry for me im mental" Nor is it a "If it just helps one person get better". No its more about my and my mental health and putting in words something so I dont forget it.

In my blog from 8 July 2020 I talked about getting into new arts, mostly photography. I have also started doing little video blogs on my facebook page , which like this blog is so inconsistant! But I touched very briefly on mental health and thought i should expand on it a little.

so I have struggled with mental health for a bit and so finally sorted my own shit out with a visit to the GP. It was a bit hard to do. The hardest bit was just calling to book in the appointment. I had a few things I had to go for but that was number 1 on the list. So eventually i sucked it up and went.

I guess i should have given a little back story first. Many years ago I did the same. Went to the GP and talked about my mental health. Its not that im depressed or what ever, I just find my mind is often foggy and my mood swings so fast on somethings. I can be super happy then just bumming out hard the next moment. Anyhow after the old GP in auckland asked me a bunch of stuff, i was diagnosed with Cyclothmia. There is a wikipedia article about it. So its a more mild form of Bi-Polar, you get the depression and highs but not as low or high, but more often switching.

At the time they put me on a pill for it and it didnt go well. The pill sucked dick. It didnt make me feel better, it just made me feel nothing. Like emotionally nothing. I didnt feel sad, or happy, or angry. Just nothing. Most of all I didnt feel love, particularly for my kids. I knew I loved them, but it was like….. I know gravity holds me down, but I dont feel it. Thats how I felt.

So i stopped taking them. What happened after that was I went back to being happy then sad then manic then sad then hyper then happy then sad. But I didnt want to face it. So I just suppressed it. Which was stupid. And made me do stupid things. Nothing bad, just stupid. for like….8 years. The only real release I had was stand up.

This year I didnt want to do it anymore. So as mentioned above, went to the GP. I like my GP. He is a good guy. He is from South Africa. He closes early on a Thursday to play golf. Most people hate that, I love it. Its like a big middle finger. He is friendly and honest and not judgemental. But I still felt it hard to go chat to him about it. In hindsight I was worried about being on a pill that made me feel nothing.

So the day comes and I rock up to the docs, answer the normal stuff and take a very nervous seat. They have an old leather couch there that i love but find it hard to get out of lol. So im in a seat instead scrolling facebook but not taking anything in and shitting myself.

Then boom he calls me in. The normal chit chat and we go through the other things I was there for. (elbow issues which is ironic as I used to do a joke about tennis elbow). Then its time to go through this. I explain the history and whats going on, stammering and nervously spluttering out stuff. And its all out, on the table. So he says ok, asks a few questions and then explains the old medication (flox) does have that effect on some people. He recommends a new pill (to which i forget what its called) as well as a little tiny side kick pill for anxiety if its needed, or if i have issues sleeping (which i dont). Firstly that little sidekick pill is STRONG stuff! it leaves you very sleepy and, as best as i can describe it, stoned! Its wonderful. The other pill is good too. Its once a day.

How do I feel now… better. No emotional suppression but also much happier. Clear headed and good. I still get a little blue every now and then, but now how i used to. I also dont get the hyper highs any more.

So life is better. It has been 2.5 months. I am due to go back and update the doc soon, and renew the script. For once i am not worried about booking it in.

Anyhow thats it. I did it and its better. And life is a bit better. Although very tired. they do make you a bit tired lol. More V.

Now most comedians tend to go through mental health stuff and then suddenly be a mental health advocate and stuff. Write a new show all about mental health and then use it to tour around the country and bullshit. I am not that guy. If i am going to advocate for anything its that everyone should have try stand up once. And have a good doc you can talk too, they make all the difference.

Mental health and 2020